It's entirely unfair, I'm so attached to him. It's so strange, I've never met him, he lives in Virgina. I've only talked to him on the phone and on facebook, and I'm already so attachd to him. When I was so upset, I texted him for a while, trying to make myself feel better When suddenly, he stopped texting back. I waited a half hour for a reply, and I got nothing. I sent him a message then, and I got a response ten minutes later. He apologized and said he was on the phone with a friend. And a green eyed beast came out of me, so strong and so ferocious, it was mind numbing. I thought , "Why can't I know him too? Why doesn't he call me? I'm upset. Why aren't you talking to me? I'm here too! Your stupid friend can wait. You're talking to me."

I was afraid. All these selfish thoughts attacked my mind. I wanted to keep him to myself, to only speak to me, to say he loved only me. No one else. I was afraid that he would find out my dark secret, this horrendous envy. How attached I was to him, how I could never let him go. And my heart hurt. I told him, with guilt and regret heavy on my shoulders as I hit the send button, "I'm getting too clingy. I have to stop talking to you for a while.. I'm sorry..."
Tears were in my eyes. I knew with all of my being he was going to take this the wrong way. He would think it was his fault. But I had to. Before I destroyed what we had, our precious friendship, and yet so frail. I tried to explain myself to him.
It wasn't your fault! It's all me. I promise you. You could never do anything to make me mad! I just can't talk to you right now... I'm scared.

I wish that was what I said. Instead I told him something shady, "It's not you, it's something else. You havent done anything."
How could I have said that?
He was upset. He tried for a little while to convince me not to do this, but then he sent me this message. It contained two words. My heart stopped for a moment.
"Fine. Bye."
It was the shortest message, so simple. And yet I felt his anger, his confusion, his sadness all in those two words. I felt pain. A pain so strong it seared through my whole body. I had never experienced this before; this pain had only hit my chest. I twisted and turned, almost unable to breathe, tears threatening to fall. This pain lasted for such a long time. I was too attached. And I can't tell him how I'm feeling. He won't even respond to me anymore.
And I can't help but think...

We've never met. We'll never meet. One day he'll forget he ever knew me. He'll forget this friendship, these moments. I'm so scared of that day. I can't even put it into words.
Oh, how I want to call him, and hear his sweet voice. To hear his silly laugh, to get into one of our stupid fights. But I already promised myself I would not. I need to break my attachment.

God, why, why?
I'm falling for him.
I've never met him
And I never will.